I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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