I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
we should paint friendship bongs
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