and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize