Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
