Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize