hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
