i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
