I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
