I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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