You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
