I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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