We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
