he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
