Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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