dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
