Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
