the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
