the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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