Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
