i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
