i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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