So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
