It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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