WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
