i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
