Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
