Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize