so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We had to coat check the pizza.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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