Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
