i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
