you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
