my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
