he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
