I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
