My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize