i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
