When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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