an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
