we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
