3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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