Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
