There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
