I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
