i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
