the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
