I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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