it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
