I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
