God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
