Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
