my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
