I hate your face
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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