She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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