For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
last night I used snow as a chaser
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
