New low: just hacked my moms facebook
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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