Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
