you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize