I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
