Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
