Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
