Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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