Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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