if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
