I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you win again, gameday.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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