today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
