isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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