She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
